It’s funny to see how somethings inside of us change, and others stay apparently still.
Following the idea that even our cells are constantly being replaced for new ones, our ideas, tastes and hopes also go changing and being replaced, every single day.
Some of our feelings, deep inside, are also exposed to the action of time and even though we don’t clearly notice it, when they wake up, they surprise us with old tastes, but completely new sensations about it.
The other day, after all the travelling around the world I have done for the past 20 years or so, I caught myself sitting on a bus station, waiting for a bus to visit a dear friend of mine, from my very teenage years. I have had a car, all through my adult life, so the whole experience felt very new, funny, exciting for me.
Suddenly, awaiting for the bus, I had it all there, right in front of me.
I could taste, see and feel exactly how it was, 26 years ago, at that same spot.
I was a girl that felt in cloistered in a city that didn’t have anything to offer or challenge me, a dreammer and a quite smart girl surrounded by very ignorant people who’s aim in life was to get married and grow old. To me, while that city ment death for me, that place ( a bus station) ment the vortex to life itself. I remembered getting any possible excuses to grab the first bus out of there and stay away as long as I could. I did that many times and dreamed of the day I could really drive out of there and never, never look back. So I did.
And because of that I was happy enough to do amazing things in life, to travel, to see and live stuff so beautiful that no explanations are possible and no other soul would be able to relate to the kind of magic life can be and offer, if not having such desperate, hungry soul and eyes like mine.
I felt very compassionate with the girl I was. I understood how much she suffered back then and how unappropriated she felt in that poor, weird, hostile environment. I honour my effort to get me out of there. And I am really happy I ever did.
In the other hand, destiny brought me back… It was like life wanted to show me that not everything, out of a hell-ish experience, was lost. At that point I understood that some treasures in life grow in the darkest times and places and makes us better people because we endured it.
I realized that the friend I was going now to visit was one of the few greatest gifts I got for free from life. I thought: “She is worth it” and so she is.
I understood that maybe that dark moment of my existance was so that I could meet and keep a friend like her for life. I understood that she saved my life back then, by only being my friend, and while I felt so disconected to that world, she brought me back to the very delicate sense of being happy no matter where or how.
Vania, I have a few things I didn’t say back then that i can say now:
You saved me.
You made it worth.
You transcend friendship, time and space.
I love you.
And now I am sure: all adversities bare beautiful, magical, hidden gifts in it.
For me, you were it!
And I am happy to be back for you!