Prioridade

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As long as I remember
I have not been good to myself
I forgot how many times I ignored my needs
My feelings, my wishes, myself.
I have had a life full of priorities
And I was never one of them
A life in fear, a life in guilt
Sensations of everlasting emptiness
Sorrow without any apparent reason
Loneliness, sorrounded by people
No one, ever, really met me.
I live in doubt
I don’t trust
I don’t believe in relationships.
Yes, it’s much easier to pretend
It is easier to love the beautiful
Funnier to deal with good and nice.
I am not easy, beautiful, fun, good nor nice.
Deal with it. Or don’t. I don’t care.
Priority, from now on, is to do whatever I always did
But only regarding my own good and satisfacion
Enough of pleasing others
Enough of fitting in
I had it.
The spoilt child was never spoilt
She was scared and unsure
She was not a priority, even when she should have been.
Then, in order to get some attention
i gave it all to eveybody else
Except to myself.
That was my mistake among others
My unaware miss-use of priority.
Awareness is not an easy thing to reach
But priority is mandatory if you want it.

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