Life is indeed too confusing for beginners.
And sometimes, on the top of all the daily stress of living, the information recieved is just too much, and the synchronicity is amazing and simple messages, numbers, mails, calls, events and people say the same thing, again and again, confirming that God i everywhere, and everything can be a direct message from the above, straight for you. Booom! There it is. And again, and again.
Sometimes life screams at you: TAKE A BREAK!
DON´T BEAT YOUSELF TOO MUCH, (nor too hard!)! TAKE IT EASY! LET IT GO! LET IT BE! RELAX! CHOOSE HAPPYNESS AND PEACE…
Nothing else should matter… no one is coming to save you, so save yourself! There´s wisdom and hidden messages all over, all you need to do is look, take it in… accept, move on… and to breath!
Today I ended up in hospital. What could have been a stroke, a heart attack or something fatal ended up being a migrane crisis followed or preceeded of a panic attack. My blood pressure went sky high, i fainted, saw small black spots and flashing lights in front of my eyes, numbness on the left side of my body, nausea, my head vains were pumping strongly (You could actually see it)… the whole package of a personal apocalypse happened. Scary. Personal hell does exist.
But what caused all this? Unfortunately I know well. Genetically I´m well represented by a long line of artists and psichologically ´challenged´ people…sounds funny, but true. Besides the biology, the choices we make, the decisions for pleasing everyone else but yourself, may have a strong role into all of this mess.
Considering that the day only holds 24 hours of possible activities (including acting and resting), life sometimes asks 32, 37, 45 hours of demands… Then, as the math doesn´t match, one day the system will fail and shut down.
As an artist at heart and by profession, I need to be able to work both mentally and physically to make it happen. Besides, body, soul, heart, days, bills, bank accounts and practical errands also need to be ran. It´s like trying to juggle with a thousand balls on the air and not being specially talented to do so.
And the heat… I´m not made for tropical weather (at least not while living, working and struggling in a big city like São Paulo).
Finally, and besides all the hidden details, I started reading the book ´The power of Now´ by the enlighted person and author Eckhart Tolle. It stroke me bad. (forgive the pun)
So, this weird day goes to Eckhart Tolle and the power of NOW.
I don´t need all this stress. I don´t need to take it on me. I´m sitting on my own trunk of gold. It´s about time to be my own best friend.
And it´s got to happen NOW.